Geek on Two Wheels

My family keeps a tiny aquarium of three goldfish.  Two are stubby, have tiny fins, and move about more by waddling than swimming.  The third resembles a tiny golden carp with the behind of a Fantail, and is larger than the others combined.

It’s also a huge asshat.

The three fish are housed in a pathetically (but not quite unethically) small aquarium, and have only each other for amusement.  Now, I don’t know what goldfish or carps usually do for amusement when not being fed, but I’ve often noticed the largest of the three using the others to play what I’ve dubbed Upside-Down Fish.  The rules are simple: pick a fishmate, chase it into a corner, use the aquarium wall to flip your mate over and push it to the surface, then see how long you can keep it upside-down.

Remember those old-timey cartoons where sometimes a bully would pick up a smaller guy, roll him into a ball, then use him to play hoops or knock down some pins?  It’s exactly like that.  Except it’s only slightly funny, and mostly just mean.

In the words of the wise animal sanctuary warden:

Well, animals are not like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they’ve had a hard life, or have been mistreated…but, like people, some of them are just jerks.